99% of the People You Meet in the Gym
In tribute to an older thread characterizing college students, I have decided to extend it into the world of working out. In this thread you will find just about 99% of the people that you'll encounter in an everyday workout at your local gym.
THE MASSIVE BODY BUILDER:
These men are generally too repulsive to look at for very long at all. They are so juiced up on anabolic steroids that their veins appear to be escaping their body, not to mention they are probably wearing a shirt that exposes every bit of their injected glory. You will know immediately that one of these guys is in the gym when you walk in, since they are making a loud, painful sound that sets your' first thought to seeing them try and pick up a large truck, but really they are in the middle of their 7th set of bicep curls with the 85 pound dumbell. Care to avoid these gentlemen? Not a problem. These guys spend the majority of their life in the free-weights, squats, and dead lift section, as these are the essentials to their brick wall of a body. 0% visibility is best achieved in cardio. The body builder is so unconcerned with burning fat and calories that he won't give a treadmill a second glance.
THE UNDER-DEVELOPED PUNK:
On the opposite end of the spectrum you have these poor excuses for gym goers. If you see them once, you will rarely see them again as they will fail at just about everything they try. This person is wearing clothing completely inappropriate to put your body through stress in and is mainly concerned with appearance. They will have on baggy cargo shots, skateboard punk shoes, an incorrectly worn hat, and a baggy shirt generally with a hardcore band or a typical brandname like Billabong on it. If you watch carefully, they won't do anything. They're so skinny and weak that they will pick up random excercises for unmeasured amounts of time and move on when the bone in their elbow gets tired. Sometimes they might come with a friend who IS in shape for compensation. They will spend 45 to 230 minutes at the straight bench press and call it a day. They will strut to every station as well.
THE SOCIALIZING HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS:
Usually football players fill this role who are off season. They all get together and stand around a straight bench with a shit load of weight on it and talk. They may get 1 or 2 sets done but only with help and only of 8 reps because that's how their retarded football coach has brainwashed them into things. Then you have the cheerleaders. These girls will purposely wear skimpy clothing for attention and come in packs of 2 to 4. They will accompany eachother upstairs and commence a cardio workout for exactly 4 and a half minutes until they leave again. They will only use 2 stations, the elipticals and the stationary sit down bicycles (not the actual stationary bikes, but the ones that don't do anything for you and have enough room to bake cookies on). Both of these two groups will spend the majority of their time in loud self contained conversation until they have satisfied their personal gym effect quota and all leave to go drink.
THE DESPERATE OLD GUYS:
The prime of their life has come and gone for these men, but they are still determined to make those biceps grow and that chest puff out. They will be very hard working, and often stop to talk to someone who was with them in Vietnam or another old gym goer. These men love the cable exercises. The stabilization effect along with the safety of them is right up their alley. They would get more done than anyone else if they weren't spending half their time going to get paper towels to clean up their puddles of sweat. Next to the boby builder, you will see this guy in the gym the most.
THE CONTENT HOUSEWIFE:
These women are at the gym quite often and their workout is probably fit into a weekly schedule. They spend the majority of their visit in cardio, the stretching mats, or the extra-light freeweight section. Do NOT make eye contact with them, as they will glare back at you under the suspicion that you are visually criticizing them. They seem pleased with their work outs 100% of the time and top each one off with a 15 minute flat line no resistance course on the slide step machine while reading a cooking magazine.
THE TOP HEAVY BUISNESS EXECTUTIVE:
These guys are the CEOs and Presidents of their huge companies that retreat to the gym to pump dailey stress out through effort and delay seeing their money leech of a wife for another 2 hours. They focus on solely upper body strength as well, leaving their chicken legs to cower under the well worked chest and arms. Usually clad in a longsleeve or tight plain T-shirt, but still with their bluetooth attached, they will work extremely efficiently and longer than most others then drive away in their Jag or Mercedes.
KIDS ON STEROIDS:
Although not nearly as common as the socializing high school students or the massive body builder, you still find one of these at any gym. This kid gave up a long time ago on the natural methods of attracting women. He has instead turned to unhealthy hours in the weightroom and anabolic supplements to speed up the explosion of his appendeges. Usually considered an ass hole since he will try to show off by spending a lot of time on bench and very heavy bicep and tricep curls.
It's easy to spot these kids since theyre wearing an Abercrombie or a FOX Motorsports shirt that is clearly too small for them. For advanced warning, look for their souped up Jetta or Civic in the parking lot with an innapropriate sticker on the back windshield.
MOST EVERYONE ESLE:
Anyone else you might see is most likely too common to be listed under one of our categories. Sure you're going to find the occasional crazy person or a ballet dancer or something, but generally just people trying to get into shape. If you can really think of another category that applies to all gyms around the country, then please share it with us.